I’ve had this conversation with two people this last week, and because I’ve had it on my mind I thought I would write it out. Being in pain from life situations is such a good place to be in. There are a lot of things that cause pain in life, and being able to walk through those times is so beautiful. We know that when we get through it, we will be changed. It’s how we change that we get to determine as we walk through the process.

When we walk through pain we have so many reasons to give up, to numb ourselves, or to become less of a person by being really uncomfortable, maybe even giving in to acting different than we are worth just to get by.

A friend once taught me that sitting in uncomfortable situations was so powerful, because it teaches you to be okay no matter where you find yourself. That you are still in control of your reactions and how you handle the moment. At the time, just the thought of staying in an uncomfortable situation would stress me out so much that I could barely believe him. When I actually allowed myself to sit in the awkwardness of uncomfortable situations, I found that I was teaching my heart to relax in stressful moments, I was teaching my body that it was okay to feel what it was feeling and I was informing my soul that it could be at peace no matter how it felt at the time.

I challenged myself to take deep breaths, soak in the moment and feel every feeling so I could work through it instead of around it. Now, when I find myself going through a time that feels really uncomfortable or painful, I don’t feel as scared with not knowing the outcome. I trust that I will work through it to the best of my ability.

Sometimes what we want is to always know how things will turn out, but how does that teach us patience, grace, or trust? If we know at the beginning of a relationship that they will cheat or leave us, we wouldn’t go into it. But then we also wouldn’t learn to grow in love when it hurts, or to work through deep pain and problems which grow us as a person. Nobody wants deep pain in their lives, but everybody has to go through it, it’s what makes this life and our world what it is. You have the people who run from the pain and don’t feel anything at all. You have the people who let the pain rule their life and never move on to what they are supposed to be. And you have the people who feel the pain, understand that it doesn’t control their lives, work through it and become better and more helpful people who end up making their life what it deserves to be.

I strive to be someone who works through pain in such a way that it actually changes me, grows me, and helps me become a person that is fearless of new things and uncomfortable situations. The possibility that it could be the greatest adventure of my life fuels me to work through every pain that comes my way.

Pain is what makes us human, makes us know that we are capable of feeling love and kindness. Pain comes from feeling, and feelings drive us to be either great or wicked people. Pain tells us that we are alive.

Makari Asriel

I want to learn how to be extremely good at making goals in my life and learning how to keep them. We all know that people make the most goals at this time of year than any other time. I’m also sure that you all know how many of those goals aren’t kept. The last few years I’ve struggled making goals at all because the disappointment of failing myself is such an annoyance. Like making a promise to somebody and knowing that you may not keep it. What an awful feeling… I made an agreement to myself a few years ago that I never want to ever break a promise. I WILL NOT promise anybody anything until I am willing to keep it. It’s the same for me with forgiveness. If I cannot agree to let go and forgive somebody for something, knowing I will never be able to hold it against them again, I will not forgive them until I am ready. The people that are closest to my heart know this about me and understand that when I say “I promise,” they don’t have to question or doubt it. Making goals for my year is such a huge deal because it’s similar to a promise for me. It’s saying, “I will do this.”

I agree with goals! I think they are extremely helpful to people. Without goals, our motivation is how we get things done. If you lose your motivation, oh boy, you had better have some type of conviction to make things happen. I’ve found that my lack of goals and my lack of motivation in the last six months has basically made me incapable of making things happen. My only successes have been through convictions. I’m not saying that is bad, but there are so many better ways for things to get done. I did things in the last six months knowing that I was only doing them because I knew I needed to, not because I really wanted them or even had the desire at the time for them to happen. The joy that those decisions were supposed to bring never came and I’m still stuck in the unknown wondering what I am supposed to do about it now.

Not having goals for my next year is only going to shut down my desires even more. I’m making the decision this year to make goals and teach myself to complete them, not out of fear of failure, but out of the desire for every year of my life to be better than the last. I never want to stop growing, learning, following, desiring, or loving in my life. There is so much that we as humans can accomplish in our days and in ours lives, but we often only look at the difficulties and struggles, allowing ourselves to forget that we can still have the joy and fulfillment of successes no matter how small or inconvenient they may seem.

Maybe you’re in the same place as me, trying to find the motivation to do more with your days or with your life. Tired of feeling stuck and telling yourself that tomorrow you are going to go out and do something about it. This next year is gonna hold the biggest breakthroughs and the greatest feelings of success if only you choose to let it. This moment is when you get to decide to do something about your focus and find new ways to be motivated to make things happen.

My first goal is to focus my attention on the joys of life this year. I desire for this next year to have an impact on how I do life. I choose to give myself a break from feeling bad about how unmotivated I have been, and to encourage myself in new ways that will bring that motivation back. I choose to not hold myself back from accomplishing my desires.

Happy New Year, Makari Asriel

To keep a pure heart in a world where purity is irrelevant is like walking under a waterfall with an umbrella. It’s totally doable, but you’re still getting pounded by all sides.

Shame and judgement are two of the biggest so-called sins in a city of impurity. You’re told you are wrong to feel shame, and wrong to have judgements. Those who you do have shame are basically excluded, or asked why you are so judgmental towards other people.

I’ve been really interested in this topic for a long time, because I can see both sides. On one hand, being free of judgements about other people is good, and to not have shame is good, BUT, the other side is that when you can accept everybody’s life choices as being okay you start to lose the value of purity and the truth that shame is there for a reason. You’ll find in California, and definitely in LA, that everybody is seemingly SO accepting of everybody. That they do their best to keep their judgements to themselves and tell you not to feel shame by your lifestyle or choices. This can be so inviting and wonderful, feeling as though you aren’t a terrible person or a sinner for the smallest betrayal of your purity and of yourself. So many of these people teach you that it is okay to live in impurity, because that’s what is expected, and if you don’t you aren’t being accepting of people. There is shame on having a Godly (or pure) lifestyle, but more than that there is shame in making good decisions for your best health, well-being and wholeness.  There is some truth to what these people believe, but when something is built on mostly truth and still has lies involved, is it really to be trusted?

Here’s what has happened to me since I moved here; I feel like I have been sucked into this notion that everything is accepted and along with that comes the idea that everything is okay to do as long as you feel like you should do it, or it gives you any sense of pleasure. This notion says that jealousy is not allowed and that you should work hard for everything no matter how it goes against your boundaries or your heart, because it’s about the outcome, the strength of being your own person and the vulnerability of sharing your experiences with everybody. The way that I feel here is that I could do anything I want, be anybody I want and tell everybody about it without shame… unless it stays within my boundaries and remains a so-called pure decision, that’s when I want to stay silent because it goes against their beliefs that everything is acceptable and should be experienced. If I have to turn somebody down for my decision, it becomes a selfish act that I am not willing to help somebody else fulfill their needs. People don’t want any type of no, they want every type of yes and THAT’s what’s scary about a whole city that chooses to accept you for your impurity.

I’ve been so open to fit into this culture that I have longed to be in my whole life and now that I’ve seen the affect that it has on me, and to feel like I’m just supposed to laugh off people who make immoral decisions, I don’t want to agree with it anymore. I had so much peace coming here, and I lost that peace by allowing my mind and heart to go against myself and trying to fit in to this accepting notion. I’m not down with it. I value my heart, my mind, my body and my soul enough to keep them in wholeness by the lifestyle I choose to live in.

By going against the truth and purity we have in ourselves, we end up damaging our souls to the point of not being able to find the answers to fulfill our desires of being a complete person.

People trying to have no judgement at all of others actually open themselves up for having the biggest judgement of all; going against their nature to find happiness in the in-completion of themselves by having real judgements of those who are being true to themselves. To continually judge others on the decisions they make to protect their heart is only causing yourself to continually need to find fault in others to fill that desire of wanting everything to be okay. And that doesn’t seem to be free of judgements to me.

True joy is found in wholeness, true love is found in devotion, and true happiness can be found in the building up of others where boundaries and purity are found.

I believe judgements are good when they allow you make the purest decisions for yourself based on what your heart, mind, and body need to be whole. Selfish? Maybe. But it’s the right kind of selfish.

Learn yourself, love yourself, and be true to yourself. You will surpass those who judge you and become great. The greatest people in history did what they needed to do, not based on the judgements of others, but on the purity of themselves.

Makarios Asriel

Moving to LA has been very different than I am used to, yet so satisfying at the same time. A whirlwind of emotions. I’m quite happy here, but I also have feelings throughout everyday that I don’t understand yet. What I do know for certain is that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Who knows how long or for what purpose, but the peace that I have is unmistakable.

I came not knowing, and with no plan of what to do next, but I also came with the expectancy that something great is about to change my life. Without that, I’m a 22yr old living in a big city for no reason at all. I’ve prepared my whole life for this moment and still I feel unprepared. How does someone expect to know anything without the experience of living it? They can imagine, and hope, and dream forever about what that decision will be like, but without living it, there is no way to tell. Each person is different, and says “yes” and “no” to different things to get where they are. I said “yes” to LA when I was a kid, and now so many years later I am here. My 15yr old self would be looking at me and telling me that I was living the dream.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget where our hearts and minds used to be because we live in today, and yesterday is not our worries anymore. But yesterday is what made our today what it is. Memories are what make our lives what they are. Without our emotions of yesterday, we lose the idea of the privilege that is today.

Living is LA wouldn’t mean to me what it does if I hadn’t expected this moment for so long. Expectancy is sometimes the only thing that will keep us looking forward to what our lives could be. It’s the hope for what we believe in our hearts to happen.

I have to remind myself, in the moments that I just want to curl up with my best friends and watch a movie like we normally would, that I am where I need to be, and that today is my future’s yesterday. Today’s memories are what will make me who I am in years to come. Wishing to be back in my comfort zone is only going to make me wish again that I were here.

Life is what you make it, and other times it happens to you. Either way life will keep happening. Don’t get stuck in today, but recognize that today is the history for your life tomorrow.

Makari Asriel

How do you know that what you believe is really true?

Growing up we were taught belief systems from the people who raised us and those we were around. We were taught that this is truth and reality. Is it? Maybe not… That was their truth and reality. Ours is very different. Their beliefs are from their childhood and from the influences in their lives. They are also based on their gifts and passions. Do you see where I’m going with this? I find myself in situations where I’m led to question what I believe or else I tend to get hurt by what someone else believes. I really do have a choice in those moments. Do I believe what I was taught as truth? Or do I question myself to find what I truly believe about the situation?

My parents chose their reality. They didn’t necessarily choose how they were raised or the reasons they feel how they do about certain subjects, but they chose at some point that they were gonna believe that it was the truth, whatever it happened to be. Those choices influenced my childhood, and will continue on to influence my children, for better or for worse. I get to points in my life all the time where I know that I have a choice in the decisions I am about to make; I can follow what I was taught and continue to make that my reality, or I can discover my own truth.

My best friend has very different views than me on many topics. He was raised different, very different, and his reality isn’t anything like mine. Some things I believe don’t hold as high of value in his life, and vise versa. It’s just not the same. Does that mean one of us is right and the other wrong? Not necessarily. We are different people, allowed to have our different beliefs based on the reality of our life and experiences. He gets his truth by the beliefs that he was surrounded by and the choices he’s made to solidify them. I get the opportunity to understand how his beliefs make sense to him so that I can better accumulate my beliefs for myself and become more open to new opinions.

(I will say, there are some beliefs that should be unchanging in your life, but always be open to understanding why someone else believes what they do.)

I can explain this another way by talking about music. We all have different tastes, correct? I may LOVE pop and screamo, but you may love classic and country. Track with me. There are posts, comments, opinions, and walls up in peoples lives because of what they “know” to be their truth. And it pisses me off. Your opinion and reality is not mine. Just because you can’t appreciate really good music (in my mind, see?) doesn’t mean that it’s truly not good. It’s just not your opinion. And that sucks! Am I right? There are glorious classic and country artists, I’d just rather listen to rock. You tracking? We get so wound up that what we know is what is true but oftentimes it’s really not even right. We are who we are because of our choices and our influences. We don’t have to prove that we are right. We just have to figure out if what we believe is really truth.

I grew up very religious, then became very rebellious. My parents believed a certain reality, and decided that it should be mine. I don’t blame them, it’s what they believed was best and I am thankful for the influence they were and are in my life. I had really great parents who loved me and just wanted the best for my life. (Still do!) That’s amazing. But as we find out in a lot of cases, what we often times think is the best for someone else, really might not be. Our beliefs should be our own, even if we take a harder route to finding that out. In some cases, I needed to be allowed to make my own messes so that I could either understand the reason for their decisions, or find what I personally believed about the situation. Their beliefs determined their standpoint, but it wasn’t always necessarily mine, and that’s what I’m getting at.

We ALL believe we are right in most cases, and for some reason we expect the other person to be so wrong. “How can they not see it?!” Are you kidding me? Try growing up how they did. Oh wait that’s right, you can’t. There is so much judgement in the world, that even I often refuse to talk about what I believe, and that’s stupid. “But I don’t want to offend anyone.” Okay… Well are you sure that what you believe is REALLY true? Cuz you ain’t convincin’ anyone if you don’t believe in yourself.

Be open to accepting everyone regardless of what they believe. In some cases, they ARE right.

Makari Asriel

There are so many different types of love; romance, friends, family, mother/daughter, father/son, platonic relationships, best friends, between lovers, between strangers, the love we have between people and animals and the love of fame or money. In all of these loves, there are valid feelings that create bonds. Some stronger than others, and some just exist in the subconscious. There are emotional pulls that happen in every love relationship that we have. Sometimes on one side more than another, and sometimes the give and take is equal. This equal love is the goal in successful, unconditional relationships.

My goal in this season of my life is to find relationships in my life that are an equal give and take. Doing that, I can find freedom from performance, from striving, from emotional pulls on my heart, and I can find full expression in who I am, to be the best person that I can be. In doing this, I am loving myself. Unconditional relationships are where love is truly known. In the forgiveness, the grace, the communication, and the joy that is found in just being.

I truly believe in people coming into your life for a period of time. A lot of people have fear about not wanting to give themselves to that relationship because they may not be in their life forever. We all have this sense that we are waiting for people that will be in our lives forever. That = very few. So then we keep ourselves from being fully us, not allowing that freedom, and missing out on the possibility to find new paths and goals for our lives that we could never have dreamt of. This love = an equal surrender to a joy and living that is vital to a wholehearted lifestyle.

People miss out on the chance to experience so much love when they choose not to enter into “give and receive” relationships. These are the relationships where you love the person for who they are, not for what the future may or may not hold, or who you guys may or may not become. These are present relationships, living in every moment, and giving and receiving love from each other without the expectancy we put on people to fulfill our needs or to try and change or “fix” each other. You don’t have to worry about losing them from your life because you understand that what happens happens and they are so perfectly in your life for a reason.

I’ve had a few relationships like this in my life, but for the most part I don’t believe a lot of people understand the freedom in these relationships. If they did, the vulnerability it takes to create these relationships wouldn’t matter for the freedom they would receive. True love in relationships requires sacrifice. A dying to yourself in way by losing the persona you have created for yourself and showing somebody the side of you that hurts to reveal because it’s a you that you may not believe to be who you “should” be.

Love costs something. Will you sacrifice your image for honesty?

-Mak