Why, I can’t explain… Awful things happen all the time and affect so many people. It’s so tiring. It’s so exhausting. It’s so devastating. It’s so terribly life-changing. People will never know the great impact they have had on so many others, for better or for worse. People that die don’t know just how many people loved them, and people that kill don’t know just how many people they have affected.
Don’t forget… I find so many Christians today who are so caught up on “loving Jesus” that they are oblivious to or are ignoring the killing pain that happens in peoples lives. Don’t forget that there are real humans dealing with dreadful pain. To love Jesus is to follow what He did and who He was. Praying for PEACE when things are stirred up in someone’s life is not always the best option. “Well everyone needs peace.” No.. No they don’t, not if the peace numbs the pain that needs to be felt so feelings can be dealt with. I don’t know how biblical this is, and I’m not trying to be. I’m talking from my experiences of yearrrsss in the church. LOVE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING.
Take. one. moment… One of my closest friends heard about devastating news in my life and cried with me. When I told her how much I appreciated that because of so many people just giving an arm-length comment, she responded, “It’s inconvenient to love genuinely…” Isn’t this what we are called to do? “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Rom 12:15) How come people find it difficult to be WITH a person for a moment to connect with how they are feeling.
Christians; I am calling you to a higher standard. Love looks like something. If you don’t know how to do ^^THAT then I would question who I am serving if I were you. It’s not all ‘Jesus’ and ‘God is good’ rainbows in the clouds all the time. It’s real shit that affects real lives, while you are in the mindset of “lets be happy, bless you, peace always.”
If you’re offended, take it up with God. If you’re not; good, you’re probably mourning with the broken. Question yourself always.
Loss is relevant to everybody. Every one of us has experienced loss in some form. Whether it be the laying off of a job, the death of a friend, the death of a family member, dropped communication with someone we love, losing valuable possessions, and on and on. We all experience loss differently. Based on what is important to us in our lives, that determines the level of hurt and the depth of pain that comes with our loss.
The reality. No one will understand exactly what you are dealing with, but a lot of people will try and sympathize based on what they have lost that is close to the depth you are experiencing.
The problem with this.. is that people try and relate, thinking that it sympathizes at the same level, when they don’t ever really understand the pain that you are feeling.
A lot of times people remember a past experience that they have dealt with, and even though they know that it was painful, they either 1) don’t want to bring up the pain that they felt, or 2) think that because they got through it, so will you. This sometimes creates the emotions in them that you are already fine and therefore don’t need the attention and help that you really do need. Or heaven help us, they give you the advice of things that helped them, without acknowledging the fact that your situation is completely different (and for the love of all things good, everyone’s emotions and feelings are all the same, RIGHT??!?!…) As a result of this, we have broken people who never get true healing and starve for affection in all the wrong places just to fill a hole that was never properly filled.
This. isn’t. everyone. I’m not stating that I know every human being and that this world is awful. Not what I’m saying. From my personal experience and spending time with hurting humans, this is the reaction people give a lot of times when someone is dealing with loss.
Hurting people are not broken people. Why do we always think that they are?! Get out of your bubble, take off your tainted lenses, and come to every person believing that they are great, loving, fun people who just happen to be in a difficult place. We all go through them, and we all need people walking through them with us.
So what can you do?
Learn to serve people. Turn off part of your brain for 5 minutes (trust me, you can do it, I believe in you) as you talk to people who are in pain, and listen to their story without already creating the situation in your own mind. Hurting people need to be heard. Let them know you are listening. And no, you don’t need to tell them your life story afterwards to make them feel like they’re not alone. This often times makes them feel like you are saying your life has been just as hard and trust me, that’s not what they need.
Give them your time and affection and show them that you care before they even ask for it, and learn how to love people specifically to how they receive it. (It never hurts to ask)
Most importantly, just be wise.