From dark to light: vulnerability
The title for this post is meant for anything that is hidden and isn’t the best part of you, brought to the light and dealt with. It doesn’t define you, it also doesn’t kill you because of the shame of it. My goal as you read this, is for you to discover for yourself that how you choose to live your life will change everything about you and the people you influence.
I wish I could explain to you just how important it is to live life right. But the truth is, I can’t explain it to you. Because we all learn differently and we all believe different things. Your right is different than mine, and if you think about it, what really is right? So I would just like to tell you about some of my process and why it’s been important for me to choose the best possible outcome of my circumstances.
I’ve done the wrong things. I’ve lived in that place, where the love I give comes from anger, and the peace I carry comes with discomfort. In that place, the choices I make hurt people, and the life I choose hurts me.When I’m not okay with my life, and when I have no vision for my future, everything I do comes with pain. And I end up ripping people’s lives apart. Trust me, it does make me feel “powerful” and in “control” and in a sick twisted way, it “satisfies” me. (I put these words in quotes because it’s how I feel in the moment, not how it actually makes me feel, because in reality it is going against my identity.)
Because of how I choose to live my life now, my challenge in those seasons isn’t to love people really well, or to believe that God still has a plan. My challenge is to create a safe place where I can just be, without feeling like my life is falling apart all around me. In those hard times, I know that what I am feeling won’t last forever. I know it is only a season, and my conscience is set on discovering the best way to deal with the struggle in front of me. I think one of the things that we have to remember in these times is “who do I want to be when I come out of this?” and then make that the end goal.
The things that happen in your heart are on display for everyone you encounter. One of the goals for my life is to always go through process in the best way possible. I’ve been in situations that tore me up to the point of hysteria. Everything I thought I knew came crumbling around me, and there is not much worse then feeling like your life is falling apart and there’s nothing you can do about it. Because I’ve had several of these situations in my life, I think it’s important for me to share some tips of how I choose to overcome in the midst of my circumstances.
1, with love. You have to understand that if you saw your best friend going through what you are dealing with, you would have so much grace for that person. Show that grace to yourself and understand that you need to love yourself through it in the same way you would want to love them.
2. with a heart of perseverance. You will win in the end, but only of you choose to. If you can live knowing that one day you will see the finish line, you will be able to persevere through anything. You’re not allowed to let yourself give up. Especially with everything you have already faced and overcome. You will win.
3. choosing to know in your heart that you are strongest person you know. Every night in these seasons I felt like I was going to die. And every day that went by was another day that I chose not to give up. When you are able to look back a week later, a month later, a year later, and see that even in the shittiest time of your life, you still lived a life worthy of love and acceptance, you will see how strong you truly are.
The Kingdom of Broken Mirrors. The first thought i had in dark mind of mine,
We aren’t what we see in mirror , we aren’t what we expect to see , we never be what people what see in us. Unless you are a puppet and i am one of those who like keep atrings attached . I won’t , i’m tired of being bend , yet i’m on knees . In mud , alongside pain , covered in sad reality . I might repeat myself but i am wakjing disaster on my own and lot of outcome i deserved . Some i never asked for.
Believe it or not , but you aren’t you if you keep looking on something to rely . Man or beast , devil or angel , it doesn’t matter what you prefer to , all these have strict rules and won’t be there for you when you need it . To make exeption. I never had such a luxury . I have no idea how it feels. I wondering along shards of mirror counting my scars .
Heart . How many times it is now …. No never mind , if you can’t tell about person’s heart type , how you descrybe that person ? I was called heartless , man with stone heart at least . Have no idea is this a good thing or weakness . I know asurely , people haven’t even tried to know me at least a small bit. I am not a gift , but i am as well living under certain priciples. I am at least alive , at least deserve a chance. Heart matters ?
I always wanted to be strong. What a lame excuse to begin with . Falce ideals , false statements , self lying reality . All this is in past , yet it was a present at certain point , People said to be able to change. Nobody mentioned how to . Good way ? Worse way? What good or evil means really ? Can you be good and do evil things in name of your goodness ? Or be antogonist and save world for your own sake ? Broken . Broken world carry a broken people with broken hearts . But with greedy desires. Selfish and honest . No clear boarder between.
We step into shadow with honest smile on faces , yet our minds poisons tommorow . I’m glad for people and admired by ones who dares to look fate into face and see own reflection . True with themselvess , accept life as it is , don’t fear look into tommorow despite what yesterday was.
Be strong for youreself , be honest. I know you are somehat special . I need to find out how.
July 1, 2019 at 3:00 pm